Dear Speed Seduction® Students And Fans,
It’s one thing to achieve mastery over your use of the four vibes to fearlessly and effortlessly get all the women you want. But what happens when you have a “bad vibe” going on inside you that’s holding you back and stopping you from making your move?
Many guys tell me that they get visions of failure before they even walk up to her. The visions just sort of “take over”, and when they do, the guy’s girl-getting game gets thrown in the hole, locked up and thrown away the key, and the only thing left on tap is this feeling and vision of failure.
Next time this happens to you, consider the following:
Those images would not be in your mind if you were not choosing to value certainty (even the certainty of FAILURE) over being uncertain.
Look: the real issue here is not even the content of what you are visualizing. Or whether you are doing so deliberately… or, as several students have put it, “It just takes over me”.
You are trying to gain information about what you can do in the world and how people will respond to you from a system/process (in this case, your internal imagery and dialog) that can’t possibly provide that information for you.
In short: you are racking your brain trying to come up with 100% CERTAIN success before you take an actual step.
That isn’t possible, of course- so now the system is running the OTHER way, providing certainty for you that you will FAIL. By doing so, you are REJECTING YOURSELF before she even gets to decide to drag you into her room and fuck your brains out.
Fear of failure isn’t pleasant. But at least you are CERTAIN you are going to fail with all that crap running through your head.
Now What Is All Of This Really Doing At A Deeper Level?
It is reinforcing your self-image as someone who needs guarantees before he takes a step into the real world.
You are so distracted by the content of your imagery and dialog that you aren’t seeing the process it is trying to serve. And you aren’t seeing the underlying self-image that is being fed by this nonsense.
Guess what?
You are NOT a goddamned fragile child.
You will NOT fall apart if someone doesn’t like you or accept your overtures.
It will simply be unpleasant. But you may also find that the energy that is released after you breakthrough and beat your fear feels better than anything you’ve ever experienced in your life.
I recommend you imagine that you can reach in and find the “you” that doesn’t need guarantees. That can let loose, say “fuck it” and just go see what happens.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. Sick and tired of letting sexy, beautiful women pass right in front of you while you sit there virtually paralyzed not knowing exactly what to do or say to meet them?
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yeah I’ve find out that is very easy to get fascination showing a vibe that you are independent of whatever response you may get, when you don’t care about those kind of things, and just go to meet her and wanna have fun, I love frames cause since the start of the openning I start by noticing what she is offering. Ohh by the way I like how the website is looking, you are a hero Ross!!, deffinately my role model for seduction.
A way to deal with the immediate threat of a guy like that, would to call him on touching you or even getting in your personal space. “Man, your not my friend, and you don’t have permission to touch me! You’re way to touchy and fe-ely! If your gay I don’t swing that way! Go groping some where else!”
I’ve recently been floating the catch phrase, “I understand the reasons, I just don’t like it.” In this case, the words are so foreign that I almost skipped over it. When I read it carefully enough to understand, it pisses me off beyond words, almost. Women spend their whole lives using every form of hypnotic voodoo to keep younger men in their place and safe and then whine that there’s no REAL men around when they want one. I’d say most of them don’t even want one a fraction as much as they say they do or they’d change their behavior. HOW’S THAT FOR A BAD VIBE!
It’s also a gross generalization of ‘how women treat me’ based on outdated examples of who I am and how I behave. In addition to the the nice-guy/bully pendulum, I’ve seen examples of getting my vibe right and experiencing an amazing response, beyond what I would have even imagined.
Some of the deep programming that is coming to light lately is truly repugnant and just dealing with the anger that, “that’s what I was taught?” has been aided considerably with the techniques from Nail Your Inner Game. Hell, it may be a bitch dealing with it, but a year ago I was so stuck in it I didn’t have the slightest clue what was going on. Now I can see it and at least some of the time rise above it.
I’ve recorded this one in my own voice (Ross’ post, not my B.S). After 4 takes, it sounds better, but will probably require some listening to internalize enough to really come out right.
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Another fantastic post which honed right in on EXACTLY what i’m experiencing!-I’ve got Inner Game and now i’m far more aware of where i’m at! There are times however where elements of the old auto programming responses that fucked me up in the past slip in and i don’t realise it till it’s too late and i’ve lost my focus on her and fuck-up my sarge and my vibe! A great challenge to work on myself/(yourself)and so satisfying when you realise you can turn the uncertainty feeling into a rewarding high which you gain and learn from (eg. getting the girl or realising ‘she defo ain’t for me at this time’!)Thanks again Ross You’ve helped me see things clearer and change my internal processing and look out life more than ANY gurus out there! Keep up the great work.
How about the following vibe – straigh, simple, and at the same time EXTREMELY powerful (to me): “do you realize, that you can do whatever you want and you can say whatsoever you feel like and I will not only stay in control but also will utilize what you will do or say to achieve my goal?”. When I said like that to myself I felt a lot of positive energy inside of myself …
that gives me the UNSTOPPABLE power!!! I will anchor that.
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Minutes before recieving this email I was reviewing the three appropiate Confidences that Ross talks about: Acceptance Confidence(accept that you don’t know what will happen) Compassion Confidence (no one is obliged to support or encourage your efforts) and the mighty Extraction Confidence (no matter what happens I will draw something positive from this). They’re easy to remember with the acronym A.C.E.
Visions of failure don’t really happen to me while approaching but they happen to me sometimes when I text her and the moment the text is sent, I feel anxiety gushing through me, as in “I hope she replies”. But this never comes up when I’m face to face or during the first approach and the following interaction but I’m pretty scared of the phone somehow with certain women who I really desire! Can anyone relate to this experience and share how to get over it? Ross should we crave and welcome uncertainity even after the initial meet with her was pleasent as to you never know how whe will respond in the moment? Should we value uncetainity over certainity throughout the relationship with her?
Wow. After reading my post from two years ago I forgot what I was going to say. I only barely remember being that angry. I still have my bad days, but I’m now familiar with the path to a better place.
Hell, some days even the possibility of a good “rejection” is motivation to do *something* to add some excitement to my lunch break.
My current focus is still filling in some missing social skills, but that’s not stopping me from using Inner Game and doing walk-ups as they present themselves.
Yesterday is was more like a stand-still as she presented her-self. Caught me off guard enough I had to do some Inner Game on that response. Always Be Sarging (ABS).
@Zarathud – yes. Always Be Sarging. You’re doing it right. Keep at it.
This power can be really uncomfortable for douchebags that see women as social proof…