Dear Seeker of Success,
One of the most common scenarios my Speed Seduction® students present me with is this:
“I do fine if I am introduced to women or already know them. But walking up to a stranger, dead cold, in any situation, scares the bejezus out of me. I just can not do it. What can I do to resolve this?”
Over the years, I have seen this question or variations on it more times than I can count.
If you have felt shy, anxious or even afraid of women, especially beautiful ones, I can assure you that you are far from alone.
In fact, I would have to say that fear and shyness around women is so common among men, it’s close to being an epidemic.
Now, this “fear factor” can strike guys at different stages.
For most, it has to do with the initial approach/ice breaking.
For a few guys, approaching is easy, but they freeze up when it comes time to making that serious physical pass.
Wherever you may be having your “fear” or “shyness” or “freezing” problem, the good news is that there are powerful solutions to this that can get you going rapidly in the direction you want, without fear, shyness or shame.
Your Fear Of Women Is Not A “Thing”
(Nor Is Any Kind Of Social Fear
You May Be Experiencing)
Here is why: “fear” and “shyness” or “hesitation” are not THINGS that happen to you even though it may seem that way.
This applies to EVERYTHING – approaching women, saying hello to a stranger at a party, making the phone call that could get you a new job – whatever result you’re looking to gain for yourself.
You don’t have a bunch of “fear” or “shyness” or “hesitation” fluid running through your body, like transmission fluid in a car that some mind mechanic has to drain out so you can then be “confident”.
“Fear” or “shyness” or “hesitation” are internal mental processes that you DO to yourself.
You don’t HAVE “shyness”. You DO “shyness”, usually so quickly and outside of your awareness of how you are doing it that it seems like something that is just happening to you.
A good, solid meditation practice, using breathing, helps you overcome anxiety and fear.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. Inside the New Code we’ll show you actual breathing and meditation practices that uncover and bring to light deeply hidden patterns and deconstruct them so they no longer bind you.
[…] the original post here: Your Fear Of Women Is Not A “Thing” No […]
Up until now I used to fear not the women but the reactions of the crowd around me if she blew me off after I apprached her. But now I’m starting to think on the correct lines: That what I have to offer is a precious gift to her, and then its okay! Say ur giving a gift to someone in a crowded room and they say No thank you…its no big deal! The crowd may see that but what is anyone going to do to u? Certainly nothing too bad I guess!
@Rheo
Fuck ’em all.
RJ
I would describe it also as an “inability to manage a natural flow of energy”. Btw mantaining a meditative state during the interaction with women (even without compassion) allow them to surrender because their dark weapons are ineffective.
@AM
That’s right!
Fear is a learned behaviour. We are born with an innate fear of falling and of loud noises, but everything else is learned by experience.
We learn to fear women by way of the constant rejection we gat from poor approach strategies, and so those feelings of rejection become anchored to the sight of the ideal woman.
I switch attitude when it comes to approaching attractive women by becoming curious about one aspect of how they appear, then ask questions.
A girls shoes are a good thing to focus on, or something about their purse perhaps or the colour of their dress reminding me of something I can include in the conversation long enough to begin building new anchors of my choice in the conversation.
The situation it’s self often invites conversation, and when all else fails, the weather will do.
@Alistair
The Romance Racketeers sure as shit do their role by reinforcing through their propaganda “movies” that “nice guys finish last” and if you just wait patiently while she bangs every other guy in town eventually she’ll get it out of her system and find her way to you.
Except that’s a complete and notorious lie intended to keep us maxing out those credit cards for the dinners, movies, flowers, jewelry, tickets to the show, and all that rot.
Ever notice in these “movies”, how the “jerks” never seem to have to shell out all the dough?
I’ve kissed lots and lots and lots of women in my 57 years, and not one of those kisses began with Kay Jewelers.
“Ever notice in these “movies”, how the “jerks” never seem to have to shell out all the dough?”
You might also include ” news” and “music” , “television” etc as various Trojan horses wrapped in entertainment and information, but filled with pieces of propaganda
@Harry
It’s ALL programming of the most malicious sort. Even Dr. Phil tried…. but failed, because I was there to put the kibosh on it.
Fear is *not* mental, it is emotional. And it *can* be drained or released.
In fact, a lot of your material works precisely because of that point.
@Steve
Very concise and true statement. Thank you!
PS. forget meditation teachers, Buddhist monks, etc, etc, who say everything is mental.. they do not know what they are talking about. Emotion is as different to mental as a car is to petroleum..
But they are connected of course…
Correct @Steve!
“Fear” is unease due to lack of real information. If the big kid at school tells you he’s going to “get you” after school, BUT you didn’t know that he had two wooden legs and can’t run, you might begin to multiply the bad possibilities in your mind. YOu needed better information about the situation.
That’s a pretty simple example. Having gone to 19 different grade schools I dealt with a lot of that stuff early on.
Later I totaled maybe 40 years in martial arts, and while thumps and bumps are real, fear is your very own making.
Roosevelt was speaking more than Zen when he said, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself…”
Knowledge…or, as we used to say in the military, “good intell” makes all the difference. Pay attention to Ross…his stuff works, and he will set you straight very quickly and deliver you from much that you need to be free of…and he and I will also tell you…learn everything you can…the more you know, the less there is to fear.
@Leslie
Brilliant interpretation of FDR’s most famous quote.
Here’s another one I like, that also applies to me: “I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.”
Ross, How can we detect improving in our meditation practice level?
@Ektor
Email me ross@seduction.com with subject line “Question about improving meditation”
Superb description of both how most people are not even aware of what they do to themselves. This insight, and pure delivery of this valuable knowledge is unparalleled in my experience.
Wisdom however, comes from experience. This means that we all need to get up off our lazy asses and attempt this like any other thing we do in our lives, in order to gain some wisdom from the experience and um, get laid more often. 🙂
@Marios
Incorrect use of language from the time we are children leads to the confusion, that “fear” and “confidence” are something you can pick up – like fear can be erased and confidence can come from a button.
It starts early and lasts a long time.
You mentioned “mechanic.” According to free dictionary.com a mechanic is, “a worker who is skilled in the use of tools, machines, equipment, etc.” A doctor also works with tools, machines, equipment, etc;…cum to think of it so does a horse dentist!
Just thought I’d throw in some humor.
Piece and more piece…
@Ruben
Love it! Great points!
great article! I read 2 times
@Alex
That’s what it’s here for!
[…] I pointed out here, breathing is of vital importance for making any deep level […]
Conversely, would you also say that when it comes to confidence or self-confidence, you don’t HAVE confidence, but instead you DO confidence?
@Tim
Phrased differently, pretty much that’s correct.
Hi Ross,
I just got your deluxe home study course and it’s great. I’m having some success already.
For me, it seems that I have to work at it. It takes a while of talking to women through the day to get more comfortable. So, if i chat with a couple of women on the train on the way to work, chat with a few women at work and on the train going home, I’ll be more cofident when I go out after. Say, if get on the train and go to work and don’t talk to any women, and I do the same at work and the train ride at home, I’m more fearful if I go out after.
Robert
@Robert
Check out this and this.
Truly I have found just not giving a F*Uck as to the outcome relieves you of the expectation that it has to wOrk because remember I Don’T give a F*UCK so whatever I get could lead to the best sex ever Or just learning about women that bit more will help next time for even
MOre great F*ucking, this really does work well.
@Raj
It sure helps to take the “tangibility” out of it. Doesn’t it feel GREAT!
Fear may not be real but man the urinary tract infection I just got is very REAL …. On a serious note the truth that had helped me most is all fear is an illusion I have concocked in my big head . None of it ever has come to reality . When I catch myself with some sort of fear image or feeling I put myself in the moment and realize everything is perfect right now .
@Jay
That’s a good practice! Thank you for sharing and I hope others see this and benefit too.
Hey RJ,
Consider you approach a woman: How do you stay present with the flow of feel in the body, while at the same time you are concentrated on starting the conversation with her, looking at how he reacts, etc.?
To me it is like an attention overload. I have to be present with the flow of feel in my body and also “manage” the conversation with her. How do you handle it all at once? How do you manage your focus of attention?
Stephan
@Stephan
Check out this: https://www.seduction.com/blog/9-steps-to-end-crushes/