Dear Seeker of Success,
A student of mine reported in on a recent coaching call with a question about getting laid.
(Yeah… I know… calling Speed Seduction® about getting laid? Who’da thunk??!?)
He’s been seeing her for a couple weeks. He’s 34, she’s 39. She’s never been married. She’s interested in having kids (and knows she better get a move on). Not exactly “older woman” territory but still enough to check in on how to succeed with older women.
He’s decided he’s interested in her romantically, just not for a one-night stand.
There’s a catch though: she wants to be “exclusive” BEFORE she and my student have sex.
That’s an odd request.
It’s especially odd, because
That’s Like Saying, She’ll Only Buy
The Car After She Enjoys Driving
It For A Year!
Now, let’s set aside that you should never start thinking “dating” until you’ve already done the Mattress Mambo.
In this specific circumstance, my response would be,
I understand exclusivity, but how can we make that pledge to each other if we don’t even know how good the sex is? Sex is important to me. What if we had sex and you don’t like it? Would you still want to be exclusive with me?
I understand what you’re saying. You’re saying you want to feel emotionally safe with the person you’re having sex with. I agree with you. You say you want to be exclusive with me. How do you know the sex will be good? We have to see how it goes.
It’s kind of a weird double bind, but here’s what’s probably going on in her mind: “I don’t have time to waste. I want to find a life partner.”
Remember That Very Few People,
Especially Women, Can’t Often Give
Voice To Their Real Emotional Need
I’d take it a little deeper and say,
What is this really about? You can tell me. Are you asking if I’m open to being exclusive with someone?
Remember: a woman’s first response isn’t her only response.
If you get her sufficiently turned on, she may f*ck anyway.
Back up and try again.
P.S. The Parable of the Beach Ball, which we cover here, places all of your girl-getting skills into a brand-new perspective and bounces you to the land of Moist Pink Abundance!