Dear Seeker of Success,
Write this down as you may need it:
“Speaking my truth is more important than getting in your pants”
This is really about standing up for your values with a woman.
Let’s say there’s a girl who you really want to have sex with. She doesn’t want to take co-responsibility for the birth control. She just wants YOU to use a condom.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t use condoms: above all, PROTECT YOURSELF. But she’s not willing to do anything – foam, vaginal insert, the pill or anything else – to do her part.
Speaking your truth would be saying, “I’m not going to share sex with you unless you share the responsibility for preventing pregnancy. If I’m going to use a condom, you also have to do something. You have to get on a foam or something. I’m meeting you as an adult and telling you what my standards are.”
If she says, “No, I won’t do that,” you walk away.
It’s About Having Standards
My definition of being a man is about having core values that you don’t surrender, even if it costs you something in the short term.
In the short term, doing things a certain way may cost a few lays. Some women may just not be able to handle it when you speak your truth. That has to be okay.
Examples: She shows up really late and doesn’t bother to call. She doesn’t respect your time. When she visits your house, she’s not nice to your cat. It could be any of a number of things that make you feel something’s WAY off with the whole thing.
Without yelling, blaming or gesturing your finger at her, it’s about standing up for your standards and respecting yourself.
When you show up with self-respect and genuine standards, the right kind of woman who’s worth being around and is more than just a support system for her vagina will step up and meet your standards.
The wrong kind won’t.
I’m not saying that they’re wrong as people. They just are wrong for you. See the difference?
KEY POINT: when you meet with a partner who will meet your standards, then you’re giving each other a gift.
It’s about integrity.
Peace,
RJ
P.S. Fed up having to settle for low quality/average women and worrying you’ll be alone if you don’t kowtow to her bullshit?
Here is your ticket to total success with women who will share the gifts with you.
Ross, this is by far one of your bests posts ever!
Really well put.
Enlightment sometimes scares me, I can’t imagine core values originating outside religions/society or conditioning/rationalization (I think values are, with identity and other beliefs, a linguistic structure of the self), at some point I feel that the end of suffering would free and not prevent action, but how much deep must be the understanding of upekkha to be a manifestation of wisdom? Speaking my truth could be “I want to fuck in the toilet of the shopping mall”, would it be the right speech?