Dear Speed Seduction® Students And Fans,

There’s a big argument/debate on whether you can ever be “kind” to women.

Could she view this as a sign of strength (you are confident enough that you present yourself from a place of kindness and warmth) or weakness (that it makes you a pushover, an AFC, or worse)?

My answer:

Uh uh uh…depends Depends. Depends.

If it reeks of need or pressure (aka desperate supplication or other AFC behaviors), they don’t want it.

If it’s freely given or given from a place of abundance AND you have established authority and respect, it’s usually a-ok.

Most unappreciated “kindness” is unappreciated because:

1. You didn’t establish respect/authority or get any investment from her in the interaction/transaction BEFORE the kindness.
2. She’s a twist and just doesn’t trust any kindness. Ok. They are out there. Best to run away or play the villain only a VERY short while. But aware, please: if you stare into the abyss to get your cues and clues on how to respond and behave, the abyss also stares long and hard into you. And what it gazes at it molds and shapes. So don’t look long. You can glance briefly at the sun but I wouldn’t look too long nor make a habit of it. Get my metaphor?
3. It wasn’t really kindness but need or pressure.
4. She’s a super-twist and not only doesn’t trust kindness, she WANTS to be punished. Run, RUN, R-U-N away.
5. She doesn’t like the psychological pressure of having to live up to the ideal you think of her as; putting her on a pedestal gives her cramps, a nosebleed and a nasty migraine, so she kicks you in the face as she steps off to be human.
6. You are giving her the kindness you THINK she wants or that you enjoy giving and not what the kindness she really needs. If she craves physical affection and you buy her gifts it isn’t her fault that you aren’t paying attention.

Given the right context and a reasonably ok psyche (and it isn’t that rare) most women will soak up appropriate, NON NEEDY, NON PUSHY kindness.

Some are twists.

Some just crave excitement and drama and dominance more than the cuddlies, wuddlies and warm fuzzies.

The most confusing ones crave one over the other depending on their mood of the day or time of the month.

So, women, any given woman, are/is as unpredictable as each is unique in her own way, but there are some ground rules that always apply.

1. Screen your woman.
2. Establish boundaries, self-respect/authority in her world.
3. Those who require punishment or who never trust kindness need to be left behind.
4. Get a good initial read, if you can, on whether they more strongly prefer excitement, drama and being dominated to being cared for and looked after, or in what proportion they want each. I prefer a woman who is a good mix of both; if she doesn’t like excitement she’s probably a lousy fuck. If she can’t take kindness, then I can’t open my heart to her and the sex becomes nothing more than an energy dump; fun,but numbing and draining.

Hint: Learn to read the chakra at the hara or t’an t’ien. which relates to power and will issues and you will get an idea of where they are at. And EXPECT the unexpected because with women, it IS going to happen.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Did you guys like this advice? Lots more where this comes from at my 3-day seminars.  Click here to get the full story, schedule of dates and towns, and book your seat (you can bring a friend for free, too).

Dear Speed Seduction Students And Fans,

One of the most exhausted (I won’t even say tired – I’ll say dead BEAT) cliches out there is “Nice guys finish last.”

A similar one, which really emphasizes the whole idea of beat, is “Nice guys finish in their hand.”

As a result, many guys end up blowing it by swinging the pendulum way too far in the opposite direction.  In their attempts to be dominant with women (one of the 4 main vibes), they’ll actually come off as pushy, arrogant jerks.

Yet, oftentimes they say, some women like jerks.  Usually “they” say this in desper-ation, exasper-ation, and other -ations that usually end in masturb-ation. Notice when you spell it like that, masturb-ation, how disturbing it is?  Disturb vs. masturb.  Too similar.  This phonetic similarly freaks me out.

As in, “She’s always falling for these guys who break her heart and treat her like crap, yet she won’t give me the time of day!  I know how to treat a woman, I’m so much better than those losers!”

(Losers, you say?  They’re banging her and you’re not.)

Why Being Either “Dominant” Or A “Nice Guy”
Beats Down Your Girl-Getting Game

Let’s focus, for the sake of this discussion, on defining “dominant” as “commanding.”

A person can be commanding in their self-awareness and presence without saying a word. It just depends, and it isn’t one or the other.  You can be commanding AND fun/friendly. You can be commanding silently.  You can inquire about another person/show understanding and be commanding in the way you do it. Etc. etc.

I would advise that you not only think of it as only being a SEQUENTIAL thing, one after the other, but still separate. True, sometimes it works that way.  But it can also be about these various forms of “commanding” being mixed, presented simultaneously.

As I said, many guys put WAY too much emphasis on being dominant and go overboard to appear “commanding.”  When this happens, usually it’s done from fear of losing control. Ultimately, that’s another form of supplication and neediness.  In other words, by going out of your way to NOT be an Average Frustrated Chump (AFC), you actually become one of the most unbearable forms of this very creature.

I’m going to have more on this and related topics over the next few days.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. When you properly exude the right mixture of being dominant, intriguing, and inviting, even when you are becoming commanding, it will seem like you are having an innocent, normal conversation! That beats just about everything, including a poke in the eye.  Click here for even more command over your girl-getting game.

Dear Speed Seduction® Master-In-Training,

Another so-called “axiom” that I can’t STAND… yet another example of how smart men nonetheless get socially programmed into Average Frustrated Chumps (AFCs) is this:

“Nice guys finish last.”

So, if I’m following this, women claim (as reinforced by the romance industry) that women want sweet, sensitive, NICE guys… because they, too, are programmed that they’re “supposed” to… but deep down, they want a “bad boy” or even a “jerk” because supposedly they’re more “exciting.”

People: you can’t have it both ways.

For this one student of mine, being a “bad boy” does not come naturally to him.  He’s charming, and he’s got girl-getting game.  But he thinks something’s “missing” – namely, that “bad boy” persona that he is convinced is the cooter-soaking “cinch” that will have him beating off the babes with a stick…as opposed to…well…you get the picture.

Here’s where this student thinks he’s stuck…

What happens in my own seduction process is that sooner or later, something happens and women decide I fall in the “nice guy” category. I don’t do the “AFC” thing – I do not attach excess meaning to any one woman I’m sarging.  I don’t put up with games or nonsense, and I clearly position myself as “the prize” (limited availability).

Some reason though I end up as the guy they want as the “boyfriend” and not the fling.  So bottom line, women tend to take more time before hopping in the sack with me because they see me as “boyfriend material” rather than a “disposable fling.”  Maybe if I was more of a “bad boy,” the woman would show me her “bad girl” side.

Wow. So women think you’re a prize catch?  What a terrible problem to have!

Seriously though, I think there are ways to approach this without having to reinvent yourself as a character from an early Marlon Brando movie.

Perhaps you simply need to better structure her expectations from the beginning.  As in, not seeing her more than once a week (instead of “always being there”). Not allowing yourself to be available for large chunks of time (so she sees you as a “prize” she needs to work for, rather than the doormat who’s always on her front step). Or, simply, better screening to find women who really are only looking for flings, if that’s what you want.

Or you may just have to stop being such a champ in the sack that she decides you MUST be a “keeper” and tries to hoard you for herself, ONLY!

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. It’s true both ways: “bad boys” can’t pull off a “nice guy” act anywhere as convincingly as a genuine Nice Guy.  What if, instead of trying to be something you’re not, you had a “stealth charisma” that was subtly attractive, completely undetectable, and utterly independent of any external validation from anyone?  Click here to learn how to get it, starting now.