A Bad “Rap”: Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Rapport?

Dear Seeker of Success,

A significant portion of what I teach works whether you’re speaking with a woman, a customer, a boss, or a random person on the street.

One of my Speed Seduction® coaching students asked me this:

Let’s say I’m speaking to someone about a product. There are times when the feedback turns negative, or the exchange isn’t going well. I start losing confidence in what I’m saying.

When I’m getting though and things are going well, on the other hand, the opposite happens – my confidence builds upon itself.

What can I do?

RJ here.

First thing’s first: it’s useful to make a distinction that just because someone isn’t currently getting it, in this moment, doesn’t mean they won’t get it.  

As a persuader, it can actually work against you to be too deeply in rapport.

If you’re too deeply in rapport, then you‟re going to feel what the other person is feeling and take on their objection internally as being your own and what’s true.

A better way to approach is to

See Where That Person Is At, Without
Having To Go There For Yourself

Note carefully what I said.

I said “without having to go there for yourself,” which means it’s a choice. You can if you want to, but you don’t have to.

Examine how you connect with people energetically, knowing it’s okay to have a mild connection with someone, just sufficient to understand and do your job.

At the same time, keep an intent that says, “I’m here to do my job.”

The Metaststic “Rule Of Thumb”

One way to accomplish is this to create anchors on your thumb.

For example, my anchor for being powerful and commanding is to touch the first finger of my hand on the tip of my thumb. My anchor for being more understanding is to touch the middle finger, the “f*** you” finger, to my thumb. My anchor for being playful is to touch the ring finger, and to be vulnerable is to touch the pinkie finger.

I would rehearse getting into different states – states of being powerful and commanding, states of being understanding, etc. Anchor them by touching the tip of your appropriate finger to your thumb.

Then when you’re going through the persuasion, you can silently, to yourself, trigger the anchors that you need.

If you feel that you’re building too much rapport, you can diminish that anchor by lightening the touch of your finger on your thumb.

Then push down when you want to increase it.

Now, You Have You Hand
On The “Shifter Knob”

Remember: it’s the ability to build a metastate, a state where you track all your states, and to comfortably be aware of your state and the other person in such a way that if you feel your state shifting, you can shift it back to where it needs to be.

Peace,

RJ

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