Dear Seeker of Success,
There is a debate over whether it’s worth it to confront a woman when she gets all up in your face when you were trying to be nice.
Should you take it when a woman freaks out on you? Conventional wisdom tells us it’s a bad idea. Let her get away with it once – “be nice” – and never again (or not ever) receive “nice-nice” from her (and potentially other women).
See here’s the thing, though: this really to me is not about “nice” but about how much dominance people require to feel relaxed enough to be kind to you in return.
I prefer to treat people as equals and come from respect and affinity.
Most people handle that well; however some view it as a sign of weakness and a signal to go on the attack.
Case In Point: An Extreme Example
From A Long, Long Time Ago)
I remember years ago I belonged to this one gym, and a woman was blocking the turnstile to let me in. I said, “pardon me, m’am, but I need to get by”.
She just ignored me and kept right on talking, so I repeated it, a bit louder, “Pardon me , m’am, I need to get by”.
She sneered at me so I said louder and firmer, “M’am, I need to get by”.
She exploded at me, “fuck you. You gotta problem! Fuck you, fool!”
But she DID get out of the way.
Some people have anger issues, other people are used to bullying as a way of life. They don’t even know they are doing it.
I turned back on this woman, raised my self to my full height, got right in her face and yelled at the top of my lungs, “Hey…FUCK YOU! YOU have the problem. I was polite, I called you”m’am”. Fuck you and the hole you crawled out of!”
She looked scared, mumbled “sorry” and walked away.
Now, If I Could Get A Do-Over…
Now, in retrospect, I should have let it go.
For all I know she could have gone to her car and gotten a gun, and being older and wiser today, I would have just let it go now adays.
My point is this: some few people WILL see courtesy as a sign to attack.
It’s true. Deal with it.
Choose To See It As Their Problem.
I think women will often turn on the jerky aspects of their personalities as a sign that they are seeking dominance, or as a fearful way to put the brakes on their own feelings. In this case, being “nice” is not the right response.
The response is either to call them on it immediately and say, “Hey…wait a minute…what’s with the cold shoulder shit?” or to mirror it back and shut them out.
If a guy responds to this crap by getting weak and showing MORE interest in her, he’s probably gone to be gone. If she freaks out on you, you do have the option of “Exit, Stage Left” and in many cases that’s the best policy.
But if you are finding your own reasons to get to the bottom of it, either call her on it, or mirror it back, even stronger. Withdraw from her completely until she comes back your way. I strongly recommend pointing it out and calling her on it.
When the woman pulls this cold/rude stuff, don’t waste your time trying to figure out why. Call her on it and ask her what’s up with it.
Peace,
RJ
P.S. Let me, Ross Jeffries, take you by the hand and guide you to guaranteed, total breakthrough success with the women you truly desire, with the skills you need to handle ANY situation – even when she freaks out.
The skills and drills you need to succeed are inside Rapid and Total Success With Women.
I really like this article Ross and would love for you to be more in detail about these sorts of topics.. Afterall you are the Godfather of the modern seduction community.. AND it’s topics like these which have not been addressed by the community.
I personally believe that the community will never get rid of courtesy and chivalry so you’ve proved to us all that there is a positive side to having those traits even if you’re on the other side of a ‘bitch’.
We also deal with this a lot through our Persuasion Mastery programs.
Thats a very important topic. The 5Bs nowadays maybe are in need of some kind of revision down to the 4Bs since bullying is becoming more and more important.
I mean what you did back in the days in the gym surely caused some feeling of attraction with this bitch. Like: “Oh wow what an ass he is telling me off… = I d like him doing me”. The problem nowadays is that with reality shows like Jersey Shore, Real World of…, Housewives of…, Bad Girls Club (yea I know them all) and on and on and on… due to those shows, more and more girls are thinking that behaving like a total bitch was cool, socially excepted and first and foremost was getting them places. They are thinking that acting like a total bimbo, slut or bitch was a cool thing. I mean if fucked up Snooki does and is becoming rich and famous by doing so how can the somewhat insecure teeny still in the process of forming a personality refrain herself from thinking that if she acted the same she was going places too. Browse the comments section of those shows they are telling. Maybe in 10 years a whole generation of women mainly is made off of total wackos.
I guess it still is less of a problem if one is dating more mature women. Though due to shows like the The Real Housewives of… even more mature women are looking at the world thinking that acting like a total moronic bitch was a cool thing.
Like it or not…righteous or not…it boils down to what people RESPOND TO.
You’re onto something.
I still prefer a world where people are respectful and civil. So I’m not going to urge people going out and being mean as an “opener” – let me be clear.
Ross you are spot on with your advice.
For me it is about Demonstrating High Value and showing to her (and any of her friends) that you value and respect your self. You show you have the stregth to stand up for yourself. Women find this quality in a man attractive.
Dubai
No strong disagreement there.
Others respect you when you respect yourself.
Great post Ross, all valid points…I totally agree.
Cheers!
Needed to be said!
There is this girl I’ve already slept with. She said that she’d come to my city to see me. But she never made a commitment. So I called her on it and said that, “I think this is the last time we are meeting because you are so uncertain about everything”. She responded with a shocked look and said that, “I might seem flakey but I’m not actually flakey.” Then because she was so shocked she asked me to comfort her and asked me not to say such mean things because it hurts her. Now we are in touch but when I ask her about visiting me, she tells me that the idea should come to her naturally and right now it seems forced and unnatural. Her uncertainty is bothering my peace of mind clearly, but she sends me very loving emails and even cried when I suggested that we may not last long if this is her attitude. Its all contradictory because admist all the love she claims she has for me she is also being ambivalent. I’m tempted to tell her to take a stand on the matter for better or worse, but there is another part of me that says “Be patient with her”. Her friends tell me that she is insecure and very fragile and its really becoming hard for me to make a decision.
You got laid, didn’t you?
Haahhaha i actually really like this story ross, it really puts the idea into perspective.
Something similar happened to me once, i was talking with this beautiful Indian girl from my country. She is verrrry beautiful and believe me accustomed to being hit on. at the time we were talking (i wasn’t even seducing her i just wanted to talk and have some fun) she had a boyfriend and i noticed that after a few moments she started giving me the cold shoulder for no reason so i said (something along the lines of).
“hey listen, i don’t know whats going down with you but it seems to me like your giving me the cold shoulder. i honestly didn’t think you were the type of person to do this. needless to say i want an apology, i did nothing, if take the risk of talking with you, to deserve that.”
its about standing up for whats right its like a form of justice, if we are nice to people, polite and respectful, we should expect that in return. if its not given to us we gotta say but wait a second i dont know if you realize but how you responded is unacceptable.
im a man who loves god Ross. there are so many parts of the bible that tell us to stand up for what we believe in. i call it personal justice and i think we all need to have it.
that sick niceness is the biggest lie. it really is. it just means that you sell yourself and your beliefs short to TRY and make someone more comfortable. But having the power to get what you want and with the calm and grace of a king. that my mentor is what i think is true power.
Not bad.
I would just caution that while we use Speed Seduction to persuade more women to do what we want, and have it be for their own reasons, we cannot “insist” they do anything.
Having Speed Seduction on your side and in your corner means you claim your choice of women and don’t have to get Oneitis.
Interested in the woman, invested in the SKILLS.
One more thing,
to me speed seduction is:
you ever think about great breasts. now imagine a woman knew that her big breasts are a gift and she allows you to do what you want with them just because it can make you happy and excited in many ways. be it touch fondle grope ect.
you see in that situation it makes us happy to reach out and touch that special place on her.
with women its the same thing different kind of place. women want to be a part of that beautiful seduction. Its like we reverse the roles and the only difference is that your SS language and vibes are the breasts SHE wants to reach out touch and fondle.
funny thing is that if she touches your special place then she will soon after feel obligated to let you touch her’s.
this is how i got to understand that its a real gift to give.
BEST COMMENT EVER!
Great analogy! I agree with Alezzio.
Hi RJ
You really hit home with this one.
I’m currently going through a divorce, my only crime is that
I was waaaay too NICE (weak) & NEEDY, I needed her to validate my manhood. In essence when you start to appreciate yourself despite your
flaws, when you say as a matter of fact ” I may not have abs, biceps or to die for looks but I too deserve the best things in LIFE (women , money ,nice clothes etc…) unless I make it happen for myself, I’ll always begging, buying women’s affection”.
Ross I wish I knew you earlier and I’m grateful for all your lessons.
To everyone that my read this. REMEMBER this. “THERE IS NO OTHER YOU AND AFTER YOU, THERE’LL BE NO ONE LIKE YOU!”
BULLET
I have said many times, the distinction between being a “nice” man vs. a “pleasant” man.
[…] it looks like I really hit a nerve with my recent post on what to do when a woman freaks out on you. By your comments on the blog and your emails, I can see this is a huge […]
I suppose those females are responsive, mismatching, love->pain pain->love, they submit themselves to abusive people and test nice people,
It’s like Texas bull riding, without a gun I don’t like it, actually they ask to be seduced with power and uncontrolled energy.
That’s an interesting way of looking like it Again, the difference between what someone says they want vs. what causes them to respond in the way you want.
This is the Classic example of “putting a price on yourself.” You NEVER lower your dignity for ANYONE. EVER. You’re a Man, grow a pair and F@#king act like one. That’s not an excuse to play “Monkey See, Monkey Do” because someone decided today was their day to self-validate by being an A$$hole to you. You NEVER give away control of your internal emotional states period. Are you going lash out and act the bully because she pronounced aloud a series of phonetic sounds in a specific sequence, while displaying certain physical affectations? That’s an AFC attitude. Neither do you turn the other cheek. You call ’em on their bullshit immediately. “I’m sure that works wonders on weak, needy, emotionally emasculated males, who volunteer to suplicate and obey you. Bet you’ve got lots of BFF’s with penises. Unfortunately, you’re talking to a MAN right now, NOT a little boy.” That tends to shut them down asap. If this
was someone you’ve sarged, she’s just self eliminated herself from your
stable. Move on to someone who’s not going to “Shit Test” you for weakness, submission, and obedience as if you were a common AFC. You’re not.
Right on!
You can only control your own reaction to the situation and to others.
this article was much better than what i had expected. although i would have just ‘exited, stage left’ if i heard that. I would like to learn how to do what you did, and better. maybe ill take another look at the RTSW course and find out. thanks
Exit, Stage Left is an ultimate expression of power.
Yes, http://www.RJSeductionMastery.com – I strongly encourage you to check it out 🙂
I still think that your strong confrontation at the gym was right but u didn’t need to explain it to her later. when she went away, the problem was solved. Yesterday a lady working in the exchange ripped me off and I went back at her with police officer and made sure that she felt deep shit and sorry for her bad behavior. but no need to argue with her!
You’re right.
Sometimes, though, the empire strikes back!
I totally agree that as man, you at least mentally should tell yourself that I will refuse to be a sucker, regardless of how hot the woman is and how bad the rejection she is giving you. You can walk away, or you can storm out of that place. but there might an interesting alternative approach that we can try.
You can say it in a sarcastic way “this is NICE! Thank you!” Or, “Yes, you just made MY DAY!” – with an angry tonality. Or you can try “I just love it when people talk mean to me.” With the same sentence, with different body language and tonality, it can serve different purposes. That way you will project a cool guy image. It will even make the other people (the bystanders) laugh (including some other hot chicks) and find you super attractive.
Haha
“I just love it when people talk mean to me.”
That’s good.
It’s a powerful way of reframing.
Great article Ross. I’m glad you addressed this. I woke up this morning with this very thing on my mind. Last year I briefly dated a girl who was compelled to dominate me. I know now it was my fault. It was simply where I was in my personal development. However, it’s women with power issues who generally give the best blow jobs.
Do powerful women give the best blowjobs or do pathetic pitiful women?
Personally I think the woman who practices deep-throating a cucumber. he he he
The important thing is you drew the lessons from your experience. This will increase your success with future women.
Interested in the woman, invested in the SKILLS.
I think the concept of a “shit test” is still valid, but the key is whether she’s triggering you – ie making you angry, etc. If so, she’s done her job and you have work to do on your own. If not, then by all means call her on it, calmly but firmly. I’ve seen ’em back down so fast it was funny saying they didn’t mean it like that but then change the subject instead of clarify. Everyone has some baggage. If she drops it the first time I let it go.
You cannot control another person’s behaviors, only your own reaction to them.
Great insights!
Hi RJ,
This made me smile when I watched it (similar but different to your post), I’m sure it will make all here smile too:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iyeUcFKRv4&feature=em-hot
I may do a future post on this video. Thank you!
BUENAS TARDES MISTER ROSS JEFRIES
ESTOY MINTERESADO EN SU CURSO DE SEDUCCION CON HIPNOSIS CONVERSACIONAL
NO TENGO TARGETA DE CREDITO PODRIA ADQUIRIRLO POR WESTERN UNION
Sin Western Union. Pero nos puede paypal ese mismo dinero y que puede desbloquear el curso para usted. Al hacer su compra, usted verá una opción de utilizar PayPal.
No Western Union. But you can PayPal us that same money and we can unlock the course for you. When making your purchase you’ll see an option to use PayPal.
“I prefer to treat people as equals and come from respect and affinity.
Most people handle that well; however some view it as a sign of weakness and a signal to go on the attack.”
This piece is pure brilliance.
Thank you.
And you cannot control how others behave, only your reaction to it. The sooner one masters that, the sooner one gets laid, and laid lots.