Dear Seeker of Success,
When you pay a woman a direct compliment, you may well be buying yourself a one-way ticket to Dry Willy City rather than a pass to the all-you-can-eat buffet of erotic desire.
Direct compliments (such as “Wow, you really look good today” and “You have the most beautiful, warm, inviting eyes I’ve ever seen”) may not go over well because:
- She doesn’t really believe it about herself;
- She has reason to believe that you don’t really mean it and are just saying it to get in her pants;
- She has reason to believe you mean it, she believes it about herself too, but it just doesn’t impress her or speak to her in a way that results in her feeling positive about it. She is too used to hearing it directly, so it has lost impact. She’s heard it all before;
- Because of how she perceives your status or your degree of familiarity with her, she doesn’t believe you should be saying it.
The Power Of Implication And How It Says So Much More…
Especially Because You Don’t Directly Say It
A key point that I drive home again and again is the power of implied compliments.
The implied compliment states something about women who have the qualities you are complimenting her about… and then IMPLIES by virtue of the fact that you are addressing her that she must fit into that group.
This works because making sense of what is implied is an active process. The listener has to put together the thought/connect the dots on her own. The thought is, “Oh…he is saying he thinks that about me! How sweet!”
Or, “Oh, he is saying he isn’t sure that is true about me…I better prove to him that it is!”
Here’s an example.
“It’s just that I admire women with really strong fashion sense, so I had to say hello” is saying the following:
- I admire women who have strong fashion sense.
- When I admire women like that I am compelled to say hello.
- I am compelled to say hello to you.
The implication is:
She has really strong fashion sense.
See how this works?
Peace,
RJ
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this is pure science. keep up the good work RJ
I admire cleverness when I see it; so I just felt compelled to write a comment.
I noticed, it’s also a challenge. You are stating *I* admire or like a certain quality rather than potentially attributing something about her that may be inappropriate or just inopportune (e.g. she feels/thinks: why is he telling me this so soon? I don’t even know him.).
The implied ‘compliment’ (challenge?) is implying she must live up to that certain quality. That you don’t admire her necessarily, you actually admire the quality. Her embodiment of the quality can disappear though. In effect, can she maintain it?
It also matches her process more. You know how women make these lists of their ideal man? So you are reflecting a list of qualities and attributes that you admire rather than saying something about her looks, directly.
You know.. I used to do direct compliments. And 80% would be flattered especially when I delivered w/ pauses. However, I always felt it was just too much, too soon. I think for the exact reasons you mentioned above (those 4 about what she might think) is exactly why I don’t do it anymore.. on rare occasions only and it will be paired w/ something about their energy.
And besides.. just because I find her attractive or whatever, now — in the moment — doesn’t mean I will in the future. It’s subject change. There’s no attachment. Because if someone else comes along who ‘manifests’ that quality much more-so, I will be more drawn towards them than her.
I can leave at anytime or I can stay for more. It’s a continual process.
Btw: There are plenty of women I found attractive a few months ago, and for whatever reason nothing happened; and then they came back wanting more, but I lost interest in the meantime.
So, I think the implied compliment is more *honest & sincere* for me to use. Because my feelings are subject to change. And I have a right to that. 😀
Because.. sometimes when I delivered the “absolutely breathtaking”.. I didn’t feel that was always the right term. Sometimes it was. Other times.. maybe 50%.
How about an implied insult
“You know, I really admire women who devour vast quantities of refined carbohydrates and drink down barrels of corn syrup , so I had to say hi”