The ABC’s of Failing With Women

Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

2011 is right around the corner.

As the year edges towards a close and a New(Nude) Year approaches, I’ve been thinking about the most common “game errors”  I  have seen over the past year, and over the past 20 years of my teaching and coaching.

Many of these are quite subtle and act quite hypnotically.

That is, they are:

1. Out of conscious awareness. Guys are doing them, but they aren’t aware they are doing them because they are so much of the operating code/routine/sub-routines of the guy’s consciousness.  They build his worldview and become what he views the world “through”. As such, they have a powerful lock on thinking and choice.

2. They have a momentum of their own.  I like to use the term “cognitive” momentum and emotional inertia. Meaning that these ways of thinking, acting and responding have been going on for so long and for so many repetitions, they take on a life of their own.

3. Finally, it is an odd quirk of human nature that when something doesn’t work, we tend to do it more, or harder or louder.  Which only adds to the momentum of the less than useful pattern.

That said, here is the A-Z of failure with women. See if you can’t pick out which of these is operating in your mind/life/actions and make a determination to “de-bug” yourself in 2011.

A, Having the wrong set of ideas about female sexuality.  Assuming women need love or a relationship or even a “date” to really want/crave/enjoy sex.

B. Having no standards other than physical appearance. As I’ve said before the man who knows how to screen out the wrong kind of women will wind up having a lot more choices, not a lot less.  This takes some thinking through.

C. Having emotional traumas around sex that you need to resolve.

D. Not having a good rehearsal practice to get you in state before you sarge.

E. Not having a good review strategy to extract maximum learning after each sarge.

F. Having the incorrect ratio of thinking to acting.  Conceptual understanding is very important, yes.  But ultimately you learn most and best from also having interaction with real women in the real world.  (Until you’ve tried something, anything, at least 10 times, you don’t even begin to have good data points!)

G. Being invested in the girl, but only interested in the skills. REVERSE THIS!

H. Having an orientation that focuses on what you did incorrectly and making the mistake about your identity, rather than your behavior.  As in, “I always fuck up”.  “I AM a fuck up”.  Dis-identify with the mistake and extract the lesson. This is harder than it sounds.

I. Related to H, thinking that your poor results are about “who” you are.  Or “because” you are: bald, fat, ugly, old, skinny, too young, etc.  This false “cause and effect” thinking is a killer to breakout success. KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!

J. Crushing on a girl/one-itis. Do I have to explain this?

K. Trying to “figure out” girls who are wasting your time. If you find yourself asking, “Why isn’t she calling back?”  or  “Why can’t I get her on the phone now?” you are taking on a “ruminating” state of mind. Stop it. Take action of some kind or put her out of her mind.

L. Needing female validation.

M. Not spotting the signs she is interested.

N. Failing to escalate physically.

O. Taking a woman’s first response at face value or set in stone.

P. Thinking any woman is “out of your league”.  Bullshit.

Q. Being in a hurry as opposed to being quick. Quick is fantastic. Hurry is disaster.

R. Being horny instead of being sexual.

S. Hiding your intent. Pretending you just want to be friends when you want a piece of her ass.

T. Seeing what you want to see in the woman rather than what she actually presents. Idealizing her in any way.

U. Failing to demonstrate that you are willing to walk away.

V. Failing to challenge her/call her on her bullshit.

X. Failing to set the frame as being a sexual one; letting her cast in the role of “advisor”.

Y. Not being able to see and respond to the actual emotional need she is expressing as contrasted with her literal words.

Z. Sticking with one vibe-funny, commanding, understanding her world, vulnerable-instead of varying it up and demonstrating/offering each at different times.

There you have it.  If you have any of these, make a determination that 2010 spells the end of it and 2011 is the start of something way, way better.

Peace, piece and I love teaching,

RJ