Dear Speed Seduction® Students,
The overwhelming majority of you have responded by saying you want me to discuss my discoveries and thoughts regarding showing up attractive.
So here we go with that part of the discussion. I’ll be posting videos as well as written articles and I encourage your feedback. As in my live events, the more you participate the more you receive from me.
Getting Out Of Your Own Way
Over the years, I’ve noticed that guys who come to this work are significantly getting in their own way by reinfecting and reinforcing the very patterns of thinking and acting that have been keeping them stuck. As by I’ve said, it’s very difficult to free yourself from your prison when you are consistently re-creating the prison from moment to moment.
Rumination, Rehearsal And Ruins
Whenever I give a talk or teach a seminar, one of the first questions I ask is: “How many here dwell on their mistakes with women? Raise your hand if you spend a lot of time running your mistakes or disappointments over and over in your head.”
At least 70 percent of the room will raise their hand. The other remaining 30% are either returning students who are doing very well with women thanks to studying and applying my material or they are too embarrassed to raise their hands.
The fact is that ruminating on mistakes, disappointments and fuck-ups is a very common human activity, and even more common for the men who are seeking massive improvement in their love and sex lives.
The next question I always ask is: how many here think they are doing this because they have “low self-esteem”? Or a “fear of success”? Or because Mommy made them stay down in the basement and dress like a girl?
There is, in fact, only one reason “why” you might dwell on your mistakes with women: you are trying to find a solution to the situation so you can do better and enjoy the results you want.
But here is the thing: if you could have figured it out that way, you would have done so by now. That process just doesn’t work, no matter what kind of content you put through it. No matter what you put in the refrigerator it is never going to be a toaster. That’s not its purpose, function or design.
Even Worse…
Here is the greater challenge: dwelling on mistakes, over and over, is actually a very effective way to virtually guarantee the mistake gets repeated.
The basic rule is this: there is no basic difference between what you dwell on, over and over again, and what you rehearse. And what you rehearse over and over again, is basically what you are programming your brain to do.
Which means this: the very act of dwelling and ruminating on mistakes almost certainly guarantees you will achieve the opposite of what you intend. Rather than find a solution to the challenge, you will program back in the error.
There is far, far more to say about this. But for now I’d like to invite your feedback on this. Tell me what you think and if you think it is an accurate picture of one of the challenges you have faced or currently do face.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. With an effective, sure way to learn from every situation, you will develop a “stealth charisma” that is subtly attractive, completely undetectable, and utterly independent of any external validation from anyone. Click here to learn how, starting now…
When you said this in SS 3.0 it was a huge “Aha” moment for me.
What’s very strange is that sometimes I can be in a space where I’m a great seducer. I was banging this Asian girl who was hotter than the nearest star and it was great! What’s more… she fawned all over me and was okay that our relationship existed for the sole purpose of having sex. Nothing more.
Then other times I get around attractive girls and I’m clumsier and dumber than a fucking virgin.
It’s weird.
I’d like to be Mr. P.I.M.P. all the damn time! 🙂
I agree with your assessment… others might make some arguments but I think you’ve had time to boil it down and get to an underlying cause that sheds light on what we’re doing to trip ourselves up.
Thanks,
Justin
@Justin Any pics of that hot chick? Yes I’ve had many years to ponder, experiment, and come up with some very profound insights and methods for setting guys free. That’s me: the breaker of chains.
every newsletter is gold like every other his seminar
sometimes the newsletter he offer can have an effect way more the seminar!
That’s definately accurate and applies to everything you do in life. Like the old saying goes, “Nothing breeds success like success”. And you know they don’t get to be old sayings unless there is truth in them.
I can personally attest to the fact that my success goes through the roof when I’ve been concentrating on what I’ve done right in the past, rather than dwelling on failure.
If I had to choose one thing that gave me the biggest boost, it would be the exercise from “Unstoppable Confidence” where you teach us how to “correct” our past failures and remember them as successes.
@Bartman Thanks Bart. Yup, the UC series was done back in 1994 but stands the test of time! But what I’ve got to discuss here is based on 16 years more experience and learning digging deep into the code of personal change.
Ross Jeffries, “Breaker of Chains”,
🙂
Hell yes I have pictures.
There´s a famous quote from an old magician who once wrote a book about frogs, wich says that “humans are the only creatures who find out something that doesn´t work and keep doing it over and over again”, or something along these lines… Ruminating on mistakes is exactly one of these things.
A mistake i used to dwell over was the fact to stand absolutely still and not make a move when i saw a woman i was attracted, simply because i didn´t know what to do and was terrified about being rejected. This is a mistake i repeated inumerous times, and the sad part is that even if i wanted to take a lesson from it, it was useless, since when i do nothing i get absolutely no response from the external world to take a lesson for.
That´s why the willingness to make mistakes is sth Ross teaches that i think is crucial and really transformational.
Hey Ross,
In the past I frequently found myself getting all caught up over a particular girl, effectively blocking my own cock from many opportunities that arose.
Doing so many of the mental exercises on a daily basis, the UC series mostly, and Orgasmic Basketball Bounce, and of course NYIG made a massive difference in cleaning up my energy and making me more energetically attractive to women.
Recently I have noticed an interesting trend, is that I am attracting aggressive attention from attractive women, NOT in my target group. The ones that have been aggressively hitting on me tend to be in the 31-37 year old category, definitely fun, but not what I normally go for. I decided on a three fold strategy to increase my success with my target group (no need to go into detail but let’s just say mid-twenties). First I am going back and studying all the older material I have, going back to the BHSC, and working my way through all the other materials I have as a refresher of what I already know and practice, I invested in both of the Riker materials, and am going back the the UC with a bit of a twist.
In one of the coaching sessions you advised a brother to get really clear about the type of woman he wanted in his life. If I recall correctly your words were, ‘the more specific you are the more choice you will have’, so I am taking that to heart and applying it to the sixth session of the UC, with the aim of finding more of the women in my target group, or even a particular one that meets the criteria.
This was perhaps a little long, but, I will say, getting the right thoughts in my own head, keeping the right beliefs, carrying the right energy and vibe, and taking regular time to ‘clean up’ my energy through NYIG makes a huge difference in my game.
your biggest fan,
double t
Very interesting!
I find myself from time to time that iam repeating
the mistakes i made with women over and over again
in my head.
Please keep going with this.
I have done the exact process you describe in my business as a day-trader and it’s been very difficult for me to move beyond the rehearsal process.
That ‘prison’ applies to everything we do in life.
Thanks Ross
I realised recently that (well, I don’t know that it’s the same for anyone else, but..) my apprehension, approach anxiety, call it what you will, in fact my apprehension towards *most* situations, not just meeting women was based on my notion of ‘consequence’.
I think it’s all very well to replace your notion of consequences with something safer and more pleasant, and that works, but what really worked wonders for me was to realise that there are NO consequences, only new experiences to have next.
I think if you approach situations looking forward to the ‘consequences’ of your actions as a new experience, WHATEVER they may turn out to be, then not only do you lose the fear of starting, you also don’t roll ‘failure’ around in your head later, because there’s NO SUCH THING. you did something and then something else happened. end of story. I’ve become of the opinion that the entire notion of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ consequences, of ‘success’ and ‘failure’ is one of the most limiting beliefs we have, and if you can shed this artificial idea and look at each new moment as another step on your journey through life, your attitude will shine through to everyone you meet.
admittedly thius isn’t a directly relevant response to a discussion about picking up women as such, but I think it’s important enough to say.
Ross,
I want to thank you for all of the help you have given me and the seduciton community. I used to run through mistakes over and over and dwell on negative thoughts, but since I’ve been studying speedseduction, I’ve been able to let go and dwell on of most of those negative thoughts and emotions. My life is improving daily, and I try to push the envelope and and make new mistakes every day. I find that it still helps me alot to think about and isolate what mistake I did made and think what would the right thing have been to do or say. The key is that i’m not looking at what I would have said or done(because obviously that didn’t work) but what WWRD? What would Ross do? I find this helps me to come to a much clearer solution and then I run this better scenario through my mind and mentally rehearse that instead. With your material, meeting and opening new girls is a nearly daily thing, lots of chances to correct whatever mistakes were made in the past.
Your student,
guy
Ross you where the first to bring this to light in my life and inspire me to study more on how the unconscious mind and how it effects my everyday life.
More than anyone else in my life you have been the divining influence of positive change
October
I know I’m guilty of that because I’m so analytical. Which makes me wonder where the line is drawn between remembering lessons learned from mistakes….. and going into a situation with a care-free attitude and solid objectives.
Hey Ross
Your newsletters and video clips have helped me a lot in the past year or so. My question here is how do you learn from past mistakes then?
Brothers-in-arms, at least I hope you to be in someones arms
If you have your copy of “Nail Your Inner Game”, then you
know about the “symbol for change”. Actually draw it.
Use vivid colors. Use curved edge rulers.
Put small figures on it, which represent specific changes.
Work on it a little bit every time you do meditation practice.
It might help you clean up that energy. It sure makes
getting started with mental rehearsal a lot easier.
You can see the stealth Charisma That ross was talking about and understand it ,when u first look at M&M Candy or other PUA’s Students
you can feel the non maturity in them ,you can just see an Old High School Kids pissed off from their mothers keep throwing insults on girls and just acting like clowns to get some attention
but on the other hand when you look at a speed seduction student sarging you can see the stealth charisma in action
laterally you can smell Magic is happening ,a Historical piece of Art is happening right infront of you when you see this average looking male is getting all that attention from all those super hot babes,without being a clown or dancing like a monkey
what i thi
You are exactly right. We were even discussing this in my social psychology course (not about women though). Thanks to Ross I don’t worry about what would or did happen anymore I just go for it. Ever since the schools new gym, I can’t help myself not to talk to all the hot babes there literally and not have any worries because all the other guys are scared to so someone has to and it might as well be me.
I think this is very true and resonates with experience, Ross. What’s more, in my experience, when you develop the processes and beliefs that allow to avoid doing this rumination, the habit just disappears. You don’t need to continuously fight it, just to get it out of your system once and for all.
Now I can’t wait to see how you’ll develop this onto the huge-scale topic of Showing Up Attractive! 🙂
Yeah-this happens for both women and men
tell us more, you are teasing
This is so saving me, I was dancing with the hottest hottest woman last week-we both had the greatest time.Anyway I called her yesterday out, she turned me down.Said she was tired. OK, I went out and instead of getting upset, I went out with band mates and you know instead of going over and over it, I just said I am ok.Thanks for reminding me to just let it go man!
I am just going to say it, I am getting married and yeah my babe is super hot, but I love sex and keep seeing lots of women. I live with my fiance, but find myself every now and then propositiong women. wifey does not know.Why am I telling you this. Well I usually can just get on with it, but I feel guilty. Right now I have daugthers and a niece and they are being approached by predator men and man it makes me so angry.One is 21, the others are teenagers. Yeah, I do not feel good about all of this. How does that relate to getting out of own way?Women always talk to me becuase they say I have such a way with them and I make them feel good.I meet lots of women who I reckon are just lonely, desperate and yeah I tap it.Talk to me man
i think that’s not that bad to dwell on very the recent mistake in order to correct the situation ,mistakes are part of learning and the point here is to learn from mistakes . the problem begins when we spend much time dwelling on our mistakes to the point they become our way of thinking