Do You Have To Pay For Her Drink If She Asks?

Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

All things aside, are you, as the gentleman, still obligated to pay for the lady’s drink?

Let’s dig into this.

So you’re at a social with a cash bar (and you can run a tab).  You’re just having fun, being playful, chatting up different women.  Then, you focus in on one woman, and vice-versa.  You approach her.

She seems attractive and bright.  She’s been drinking a bit, not too much and not surprisingly since this is a social with a cash bar, but just enough for a slight buzz.

You say and do Sargy things and the seduction seem to be progressing nicely.  This night just might have an Act 2 – a torrid, steaming-hot sex scene.

At the end of the night, it’s time to pay the tab. You pay yours.  She starts complaining that her friend had invited her, implying that she doesn’t want to pay her own tab.  You assume she wants her friend to pay.  Remembering how “booze” is one of the 5 Bs that desperate supplicators resort to, you don’t volunteer to pay.  Eventually, her friend comes back to where you are and pays the tab.

Outside in the parking lot, she puts you to the fire for not offering to pay for her drinks. Maybe you should have expected this.  (Thank you VERY much, social programming and Romance Racketeers, for f@@king things up AGAIN for both you and her.)

Now, she seems like an attractive enough woman that most other guys would offer to pay for her drinks. Instinctively you sense this might be the turning point that determines whether you a) go home with her, b) go back out Sarging, c) call it a night.  So what do you do?

A student of mine, when faced with this exact scenario, told her, pleasantly but matter-of-factly, “I’m not going to buy your affections.” It became clear she wasn’t going to give him her number, much less a ride on the O-Train, so he did the ol “Exit, stage left.”

I think he did fine. I would have suggested he say, also, “Do you really need the external validation of a guy’s buying things for you, to be reminded of your own value and worth?” Then shake his head and walk off.


Peace and piece,

P.S. Are you ready to stop wasting your money buying drinks at bars or clubs hoping that will get women to like and sleep with you, or taking women on expensive dinner dates hoping that’ll get them in your bed?  Then it’s time you explore Speed Seduction® 3.0.

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13 Responses to Do You Have To Pay For Her Drink If She Asks?

  1. Pingback: Do You Have To Pay For Her Drink If She Asks? | Get Chicks Now

  2. danny says:

    Alright, already, you caught me with my pants down paying for the drinks again. I Always buy … I mean I always used to always buy. Thanks for the backbone support, Ross.

  3. Georgio says:

    Buying drinks for strangers makes you a chump. I think your friend did just fine. If she makes a big deal about it, she’s out. She probably had a borefriend, it was ladies night, and she wants some afc to buy her drinks, say, “thanks”, and good night, and good bye.
    Don’t do it.

  4. Rheo says:

    I think he definitely did the right thing. In fact I think any woman who DEMANDS that yo pay her drink the very first time, you might want to really think about her with a grain of salt. For me personally I follow this rule: If i invite a girl out to do something, I offer to pay for it BUT I also SILENTLY observe if she is willing to at least offer to pay. That tells me that she has good attitude and not an exploitative mindset and if she doesnt offer to pay (this hasn’t happened to me yet but if it does) I still pay but I don’t call her back after that. Simple!

    • Ross Jeffries says:

      @Rheo Yes! Sometimes shutting up and letting people show you, through their actions, what they value and how they are in the world, is a great and wise exercise.

  5. Rheo says:

    Also if she called me back for hanging out with her, I may consider but I will never consider her a serious prospect to have a relationship with!

  6. Ross Jeffries says:

    @Mr. A

    Yep. You showed you had balls, stood up to her and conveyed you won’t play her game.

  7. A M says:

    The HB goes to the parking lot with him…
    The pua should kiss her without hesitation. And if she refuses say something C&F like “I want to pay you for the night, (smile)” and be rad, showing comfort with her emotions.
    The student’s answer conveys dominance but also presupposes that she is a bitch (bad, negging when she feels shame is wrong).

  8. yens says:

    I am no pua but i would jokingly ask her explicitly y do u have to wait for ur friend to come and pay for the drinks? Then if she asks me to pay for her i ask what do i get in return for saving her from the potentially embarassing situation dat her friend doesn’t show up… den if she asks what do i want, i fake thinking then i say i cant think of anything i could possibly want from her and she would have to be creative and think of stuffs i could want from her. Whatever she brings even if it is as outrageous as she offering to blow me in d car i fake as if after careful consideration, she will be the one cheating me…. and as we joke more, i find ways to throw in more nlp, descriptive language and actually get her to imagine stuff all the while she is secretly hoping that she can get me to pay for her drinks….until her friend comes to pay or she pays herself. i can throw in the sex is natural pattern then say something about how sex and love should be something that is given freely and not something anyone has to pay for directly or indirectly… and i have never paid for sex in my whole entire life. After you have built up enough rapport with a girl she will probably at least give u her phone number.

  9. Byron says:

    Hey Ross,

    Becoming a fan.
    I have been dating a lady that keeps things even in terms of paying for drinks, food, tickets, etc. Have not sealed the deal yet, very close (done everything but, hey does that count’ LOL). I do not mind since I have not spent allot of money on her.
    But here is my situation now.
    We both are animal lovers. She is asking me to adopt this cat (I have one cat, she has three). But, I sort of get the feeling that this is some sort of test. Hey, the cat is cute, but I don’t want her to get the idea that I would be doing it because she wants me to !!
    So, what to do??

    • Ross Jeffries says:

      @Byron NEVER take an animal you can’t or won’t genuinely love and care for. ever. I love cats. Having a cat is an honor, a joy and an artform.

  10. Grey says:

    G’day Ross,

    Reminds me of a time when I had her legs in the air ready to rock the boat and the woman said:

    If you f@@k me will you f@@t other woman.

    Went south after than.

    See Ya


    • Ross Jeffries says:

      Wow….just wow. I would have said, “why would you even want me to be thinking of other women at a time like this?”

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