How A Painful Breakup Creates A Great Opportunity For You

Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

Breaking up is hard to do.  If she’s someone you cared about deeply, you may feel hurt, crushed, there’s no one else in the world like her and things will never be the same.

The last two points are true – she’s the only person like her, and things can’t possibly be the same.

Many students who attend my seminars and invest in my teaching use Speed Seduction® to get the girl, but find it hard to get moving with women again if things don’t work out and she gets ghost.

Remember: you have skills with women.  They helped you get together with her in the first place. And what you used the skills for once, you can use again and again.

Now, welcome to the world: we have pleasure and we cling to it and want it to continue. When it doesn’t, if we don’t know how to let go, we suffer.

Buddhists understand what are known as the Four Noble Truths.

And yes, right now it is painful and confusing. But remember, all pleasure and pain comes to an end, sooner or later.

The shock and disbelief can be the most painful part.

On top of being sad and even angry that your pleasure with this girl is ending-the fun, companionship, emotional connection, sex, validation, etc-you now have:

  1. Confusion. What went wrong?
  2. Shock: it was unexpected
  3. Anger – this is unfair for her to suddenly do this with no explanation.

So we see that many painful things are processing all at once. Any one of these things, by itself: sadness, shock, confusion, anger, desire for the pleasure to continue and frustration that it isn’t – any ONE of these would be difficult.

ALL of them piling up together feels overwhelming.

Yet, this is an incredible opportunity.  

Yes.  An opportunity for you to learn the difference between pain and suffering, desire and drivenness and fixation.

Can you learn to sit in meditation and experience each element, BY ITSELF, without fighting it or trying to change it and also without feeding it with your “story’ about how bad it is, how it shouldn’t be happening?

Can you turn suffering – all of these elements entangled and overwhelming – into simple pain? It can hurt but does it have to become who you are, block you from moving forward, or blind you to your sense of possibility and enjoying here and now?



P.S. In Speed Seduction® Rapid and Total Success With Women, I show you how to use the principle of equanimity to leap-frog past approach anxiety and break through slumps WITHOUT pushing through pain.



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19 Responses to How A Painful Breakup Creates A Great Opportunity For You

  1. Pingback: How A Painful Breakup Creates A Great Opportunity For You | Get Chicks Now

  2. asaf says:

    couldn’t have come in a better time, thanl you.

  3. A M says:

    pain is a call to succeed even more and better; handled properly, like fear of approaching in SS, negative emotions bring huge amount of pure energy

  4. jack says:

    damn, ross, your new girl’s making a real buddhist out of you. next thing you know, you’ll be shaving your head & moving to a monastery to seek enlightenment…

    • Ross Jeffries says:

      @Jack What new girl? I broke up with the last “new girl”. Wonderful human and one of the most amazing ladies I have ever known, but business and pleasure are a hard mix to make work. My fault, not hers.

  5. Eric says:

    Ross I feel like everytime I c one of ur posts I understand it completely like psychology n nlp is my passion n interest from the first moment..I understand all of ur concepts n explainations and I’ve had success using it but I find it hard to continue to sarge for sme strange reason..I dnt know what it is..can u give me a explaination?

  6. russell says:

    thanks ross, those are words I need to hear.

  7. Cool Fussion says:

    Just in the Target 😉

  8. Rheo says:

    Dear Ross, sorry to hear about your breakup! I’m sure you’ll find another girl who is just as lovable as her and maybe even more. Good luck and thank you for this wonderful post.

  9. Pete says:

    What little I’ve learned of speed seduction has been overwhelmingly effective for me. I recently, randomly bumped into a hot girl, used NLP to help end her existing relationship and start one with me. Maybe I got too caught up in all of the goodness and let go of the principles that helped me get her in the first place. Needless to say, the relationship ran its course and I felt pretty miserable for a while. What followed, the act of processing the pain positively and avoiding the obessession to suffer, was a great learning experience; however, I worry about these methods leading me to a life of only limited interactions w/ hot women, whereas I’d like to end up the way my parents have, in a lifelong relationship w/ the right one. Can the techniques used in speed seduction help create that? Maybe this is the wrong way of looking at it, but it seems like eventually the trance wears off and the interaction runs its course.

  10. Chuck says:


    I’m sorry for your loss. I am sure Tabbatha Jean Cat brought you many years of joy and companionship, as any good friend will. You’ll get through this and as you mentioned above, this loss will be a growth opportunity for you. Oh,..and just a thought, I suspect Tabbatha is in kitty heaven chasing mice right about now and dining on morsels of freshly caught fish or tins of caviar…or whatever it is that cats do in kitty heaven.

    My sincerest sympathies.

    PS. Thanks for all you do and share, with your LIFE LESSONS, assisting guys like me with the insight and confidence to keep moving forward.

    • Ross Jeffries says:


      if killing and the taste of fresh, steaming blood is allowed in Kitty Heaven, then you can be assured that my Jean Bean is enjoying the activity.

      Kitty Heaven = Mouse Hell?

      who knows…..


  11. Sean Regan says:

    First and foremost Ross condulances for your cat Tabbatha, losing pets is like losing family and I share you pain. Second, The Four Noble truths! Wow your Buddist teaching are coming to surface, anyhow great topic. Happy sarging!

  12. A M says:

    Enjoy the moment can be a goal outside hedonism?
    It tastes like night game, dating, collecting women.
    My understanding of buddhism is that it should be a result of the process of including life activities into a meditative state.
    I believe it’s possible

  13. Dan says:

    Sorry for your loss Ross. Let this be a reminder to all of us that life and time are short. I dedicate my next sarge to Tabbatha.

  14. DannyL says:

    Gone from between the two great eternities. Goodbye Tabbatha Jean Cat.

  15. Heartsbeat says:

    Ross, maybe that’s a signal for you to get one of your girls pregnant.
    If you haven’t done this already.
    Maybe it’s the moment to have some company and connection even stronger than this, beloved, kitty.

    • Ross Jeffries says:


      You don’t get cats if you think this way. No woman could ever be as loyal and beautiful as my beloved Jean Bean kitty.

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